After Loving You Read online

  “Hello?” Faith snaps in my face, and I grab her hand.

  “Don’t do that.”

  “Then don’t ignore me.” She sounds like her father right now, at least from what she’s told me. I’ve never actually met her parents. I’m not sure they even know she’s dating anyone.

  She lowers her head and a look of pain registers on her face. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean that. I don’t want to be like…” Her voice breaks.

  I lean forward and tilt her chin up. “It’s okay,” I say before pressing my lips to hers.

  “Can we please stay in tonight? I really need you.”

  That’s her line lately. She needs me. Whenever her parents call or forget to call, she needs me. I don’t mind, but I can’t let down Trevor either. “I promised I’d help out tonight. We don’t have to go for the whole time, but I have to be there afterward to clean up.”

  She nuzzles up to me, snaking her legs around mine and tugging me so I’m facing her. “Can I convince you to change your mind?” She pulls the sheet off, showing me she’s still naked and ready for round two.

  “Faith.”

  “Yeah?” She leans forward and bites my lower lip, tugging it into her mouth. Her bare breasts press up against me.

  I take a deep breath and grab her arms, holding her back. “I wouldn’t try to get you to break a promise to one of your friends.”

  “Really?” She looks down at her bare body. “You’d rather keep your promise to a loser like Trevor than be with me?”

  Right now? Absolutely. Because she’s not acting like the girl I met in that parking lot. She’s acting like… Well, I’d rather not even think that way about her.

  “How long have we been dating?” she asks. “Five months?”

  “We didn’t see each other all summer.” Mostly because she didn’t want me to meet her parents and she refused to drive the four and a half hours to my house.

  “What are you saying?” She props herself up on her elbow and glares accusingly at me.

  “I’m saying we hung out last May before the semester ended and started hanging out again at the end of August when school started up again. We’ve only been on a handful of dates.”

  “Yeah, because we’re busy doing other things most of the time.” She gestures to our naked bodies.

  “Hey, you’re the one who initiated this. I never pushed you to do anything.”

  “I didn’t say you did. I’m saying we have better things to do than go sit in stuffy restaurants or movie theaters.” She rolls her eyes. “Get a clue, Jared. We’re in college. We’re doing exactly what college couples do.”

  We’ve never called ourselves a couple yet. I’ve been careful not to. It’s not that I don’t care about Faith. I do. But I’m not ready to fall in love with anyone, and I don’t want to mislead anyone either. “My point is that we haven’t been dating for long.”

  “You don’t consider me your girlfriend, do you?” Her voice cracks, and she inhales sharply. “I get it. I’m fine for a lay but that’s it, right?”

  “No. God, you know I’m not like that.”

  “What is this then, Jared? Please tell me, because you’re coming off like a complete jackass right now.”

  God, this isn’t what I wanted. I get up and grab my T-shirt and shorts on the floor by the bed. I dress quickly and grab two bottles of water from the mini-fridge. “Here,” I say, handing one to Faith.

  “Gee thanks. Is this my consolation prize?” She rolls her eyes.

  “You know, you don’t make it easy for someone to love you.” Her mouth drops open at my word choice and I realize my mistake too late.

  “Did you just say you love me?”

  Fuck! What did I do? I run my fingers through my tousled hair, wondering how the hell I’m going to get out of this. I don’t love Faith. I barely know her. “What I’m saying is that you aren’t making it easy for me to get to the point where I could fall in love with you.” I’m a complete wuss for not meeting her eyes, but I’m afraid of what I’ll see. Anger might be better than the pain of rejection.

  “Oh.” One tiny word packs a hell of a punch.

  “I’m sorry, Faith. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m trying to be honest. That day we met, you were so open, so easy to care about.” I sit down next to her and cup her cheek in my hand. “I know you’re going through a lot, but lately you’ve been throwing up this wall. You snap at me instead of letting me in.”

  She narrows her eyes at me in question. “You mean you want to hear about my shitty family problems? You want me to cry on your shoulder?”

  “If it will help you get through this, then yes.”

  She grabs the front of my T-shirt and smashes her mouth against mine. She tosses her water bottle and mine aside and pulls me on top of her. Her hands are all over me, reaching for my shorts and tugging them down. “I love you, Jared Grande,” she says between kisses. “And I’m going to make you love me in return.”

  Her hand dips under my boxers and all rational thoughts leave my mind.

  ***

  My cell rings as I’m getting dressed again. Faith is smiling and still naked in my bed. I glance at the screen and see it’s Trevor. “Hey, man,” I say. “I was just getting ready to come over.”

  “I thought you were coming by earlier.”

  “I was, but…” Faith wags her finger at me, beckoning me back to bed. I turn away from her. “I got caught up. I’m on my way now, though.”

  “Good, because everyone is trashing my place.”

  “Then kick them out.” I grab a jacket, knowing it’s probably getting cold now that the sun is down.

  “I tried. They won’t listen to me. I even tried hiding the keg, but that didn’t work either. Please hurry, man.”

  “On my way.” I hang up and turn back to Faith. “We need to go now. Trevor needs help.”

  Instead of complaining, Faith gets out of bed and dresses quickly. She finger-combs her hair and kisses me lightly on the lips as I hand her her jacket. I can’t help smiling as we walk to my car. Maybe that girl I met last May is still there, under all the hurt.

  The drive to Trevor’s is quick, but there are no parking spots anywhere near his house. The place must be packed. Faith loops her arm through mine as we walk along the sidewalk to Trevor’s apartment, which is in the skeeziest part of town, made up of poor college students and drunks with no jobs. Trevor’s building is red brick, but it’s covered in so much grime it looks more black than red. Faith grimaces as we step over vomit on the sidewalk. I open the door for her both because I always open doors for girls and because the thing looks like someone might have thrown up on it.

  We climb the stairs to the third floor and follow the music to Trevor’s apartment. The door is closed over but not shut. The second I step inside I want to ram my fist through the wall. The place is a complete disaster. Plastic cups are all over the floor, and not all are empty. The couch is being used as a beer pong table, and naturally all the cups topple over the second the ball is tossed at them. The fridge is wide open and cleaned out of food. Chips are smashed into the carpet.

  “Everybody out!” I yell as loud as I can. “Or I’m calling the cops.”

  The mention of cops is an easy way to clear out a party. Most of the frats use the “cop” excuse when the crowd gets too large. Rarely do the police actually show up, though.

  One of the guys playing beer pong looks up at me. “What are you, the landlord or something?” He eyes Faith on my arm. “You want to ditch this loser and have a little fun?”

  Faith squeezes my arm, obviously disgusted by this guy’s appearance and the stale beer on his breath.

  “Get out,” I say.

  “Or what?” he challenges, getting in my face.

  I cringe at his stench. Instead of answering, I reach for my cell. “Do you really want to play this game? I’m willing to bet your drunk ass can’t outrun cops. And I’m also thinking you aren’t twenty-one.”

  He smirks. “Wha
tever, loser.” He brushes by me, grazing Faith’s side.

  “Ew,” she says.

  The guy tries to grab her ass, but I swat his hand away. “Touch her and I’ll make sure you wind up in handcuffs.”

  He eyes Faith again. “She ain’t worth it.” He turns to his friends. “This party is lame. Let’s go.” They file out and the rest of the crowd isn’t far behind.

  Trevor comes over to me with a giant black garbage bag in his hands. “Thanks, man. I didn’t know what to do. They wouldn’t leave.”

  “No worries.” I take the garbage bag from him. “Let me get that.”

  Faith lets go of my arm and holds up her hands. “Do you have any gloves? I just got a manicure.”

  Trevor shakes his head, and I’m sure Faith is going to give in to her diva side, but she surprises us both by taking the garbage bag from my hands. She heads to the couch and tips the cushions, making the cups tumble and slosh into the bag. She’s making just as much a mess as she is cleaning up, but at least she’s trying.

  We spend two hours cleaning up the place, and when we’re done it still smells like beer and sweat. Trevor’s satisfied though. The place was a dump to begin with. The only reason he stays here is because the rent is dirt-cheap. His parents can’t afford on-campus housing. The suite I live in costs a small fortune, but my parents insist I need to be on campus instead of in an apartment, and since they’re paying my tuition I can’t exactly argue with them.

  “I’m beat,” Faith says. She sniffs her shirt, which is covered in an unidentifiable liquid. “And I need to shower and burn these clothes.”

  “Let’s head back,” I say. I clasp Trevor’s hand. “Next time, call me sooner.”

  “I would have but I thought you were on your way.”

  Faith turns away, knowing she’s the reason I wasn’t here on time. If I had been, this wouldn’t have happened. “Sorry—”

  “Totally my fault, man. Sorry,” I say, not letting Faith take the blame for this.

  She smiles at me and laces her fingers through mine. For trying to keep things at a non-relationship level, I’m failing miserably. But maybe this is what I need to get over Mia. I broke up with her because I knew a long-distance relationship would kill me. And if I’d followed Mia to college, my parents would have lost out on a lot of scholarship money. I couldn’t make everyone happy, and when Dad got laid off, I made the choice I had to make for my family. But that was over two years ago. Now, Dad’s back on his feet and Mia is still four hours away. Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair.

  “You okay?” Faith asks as we walk back to my car.

  “Just tired is all.”

  “I guess you don’t want me to spend the night then.” She lowers her gaze to the sidewalk.

  She hasn’t spent the night yet—because of me. I’ve kept distance between us to avoid labeling what we have as a relationship. I only updated my Facebook profile image to make Faith happy because she walked in on me chatting with Mia last week and got the wrong impression. Or maybe it was the right impression. I’m not over Mia. I don’t think I ever will be.

  I choke on the emotion welling up inside me at the thought of Mia, and Faith mistakes it for a cough. “Are you getting sick?”

  “My throat’s a little scratchy, so maybe.” I’m taking the pussy way out, but I don’t care. In the long run it’s better for everyone.

  She lets go of my hand. “I guess I better not stay over then.”

  “Probably not.” I open her door for her and smile to cover up how completely uncomfortable I feel. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to notice.

  Since we live in the same dorm, I don’t have to drive her anywhere. I park in my designated lot and we say good-bye in the elevator. We aren’t the only people in the elevator, so I give Faith a quick peck. She looks disappointed, but I force another cough and she backs out of the elevator and into her hallway. Yeah, I’m a giant douche.

  I get off on the fifth floor and walk to my suite at the end of the hall. Justin is snoring so loud I can hear it through the door. I slip inside quietly and go directly to my laptop. Mia’s not online. My stomach falls, and I stare at her profile picture, noticing the recent haircut. Her hair is still long, falling below her shoulders, but the ends are slightly curled. That always happens when she cuts her hair. I can almost feel her silky, lilac-scented hair wrapped around my fingers. God, I miss her.

  Chapter Three

  Mia

  I don’t like to call anyone names, but Al-Albert-Bert is a major ass. My skin color is apparently offending him. Sorry, buddy, but I was born this way. I don’t have tolerance for people who judge others on trivial things like skin color. All I want to do is get out of here and see if Jared is online again, but then I remember he’s busy with Faith. I slump into the seat and hold my hand up to flag our waitress.

  “Can I get you a drink?” she asks me.

  I want to order a bottle of tequila to help me get through this meal, but instead I opt for my other go-to drink. “Coffee, and lots of it.”

  She turns to Tee. “And for you?”

  “Ginger ale, please.”

  Shawn groans in the seat beside her. Tee only drinks ginger ale when she has her period. Knowing there’s no chance he’s getting laid instantly puts Shawn in a foul mood. Just wonderful. Seconds later, he and Albert start talking as if we aren’t here.

  I kick Tee’s foot under the table and motion toward the bathrooms. She gives Shawn a brief scowl and gets up without saying a word to him. I don’t acknowledge Albert either. He wrote me off the second he saw me.

  As we reach the bathroom, I see another exit and a great idea pops into my head. “Hey, let’s get out of here.”

  “What?” Tee’s head jerks back. “Why? We haven’t eaten yet.”

  “We can grab something on the way back to campus.”

  “What’s up with you?” Tee crosses her arms and gives me her best mom-stare.

  “Did you not notice my date in there?” The word date is filled with as much sarcasm as I can muster.

  “Sorry about that. I swear I didn’t know he wasn’t into white girls.”

  Isn’t into? More like despises. “It’s fine. I don’t feel like suffering through an evening with him. This was supposed to be about moving on from Jared. Being here with a dick like Albert will only make me miss Jared more.” Honesty is always best with Tee. If I try to keep things from her, she’ll just get pissed.

  She sighs and nudges my arm with her elbow. “Let’s go.” She motions back to the dining area. “Shawn’s going to flip when he realizes we left. I’m sure he doesn’t have money to pay the bill.”

  God that irks me to no end. I grab Tee’s hand and lead her out the back door. As soon as we’re outside and walking back to our dorm, I ask, “Why do you stay with him? Seriously, Tee, you could do so much better. You deserve better.”

  “You don’t understand,” she says, lowering her head and keeping her eyes focused on the sidewalk.

  “Then explain it to me.” I squeeze her hand in mine. I often wonder what people think of Tee and me always holding hands or walking arm-in-arm. Most of the time, it’s her being there for me. Right now, I’m returning the favor.

  “You aren’t the only one who’s had her heart broken, Mia.” For a while she doesn’t say anything else, and I’m left wondering if she has a Jared of her own. Is that why she’s always on my case to move on? Because it’s her way of reminding herself she needs to do the same?

  “What was his name?” I ask, after finally finding the courage to push the issue.

  “I’ll give you one guess.” She meets my eyes and the hurt I see inside them overwhelms me. She’s as messed up as I am, yet she’s been hiding it behind this crazy relationship with…Shawn. Oh. Dear. God.

  “His name was Shawn.” This is too much. She couldn’t have her Shawn, so she settled for that penniless, uncaring doof!

  Her eyes fill with tears, but she doesn’t let them fall. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m t
he biggest hypocrite in the world, right?”

  “No.” I stop walking and take both her hands in mine. “You’re not a hypocrite, Tee. You’re a girl who’s hurting, but this isn’t the way to make that pain go away.” Now I feel like the hypocrite. Who am I to give Tee advice? Sure Albert is a dick, but I’m really running home to cyber-stalk Jared some more. “We both have to stop this,” I say.

  She nods. “I know I have to break up with him.”

  “And I have to stop talking to Jared.”

  “Can you do that?” she asks. “I mean, I don’t even really like Shawn—this Shawn anyway. I can easily give him up. My wallet and my vagina will thank me.” She rolls her eyes. “But you and Jared weren’t just boyfriend and girlfriend. You were best friends.”

  That’s why this has all been so hard on me. I didn’t just lose the guy I loved. I lost my best friend. Part of me has been trying to hold on to that, keep my friend, but it’s too damn hard. My heart can’t take this for much longer, and I don’t want to be that girl who can’t live without a guy. Even if he is the most amazing guy known to Earth.

  “I have a best friend.” I squeeze her hands and give her the best smile I can muster at the moment. “And she and I are going to mend our broken hearts together.”

  She nods. “Right, because we are strong, independent women. Right?”

  I laugh. “Right.” At least we’re going to keep telling ourselves that until we believe it.

  We head to the student union and order greasy chicken fingers and fries, which we take back to our room. The place will probably reek of grease for a week, but it’s worth it. Nothing drowns your guy troubles like fattening food.

  “So, I should call him tonight, right?” Tee asks, with her mouth full.

  I toss her a bottle of water. “Definitely. Get it over with right away.”